PAST IN MY FUTURE

Not knowing what to do with my hands
As I move around in my seat
These hands that hold lives in them daily
Suddenly, the silly 15 year old in me
Battling for my own power
That fluctuates around you
Floating in and out of comfort
My safety net gone
I listen to your voice
As you spin your tales
Anxious to know anything
You are willing to share

You … so breathtakingly beautiful
Your eyes suck me in
My fingers tingle inches from your skin
I resist & surrender over & over
Moving myself out of my way
Only to show up again
Appropriateness creeps in as an excuse
Like I have ever been appropriate
Noticing my game of
Not wanting to like you
While wanting you to like me
So I can like you
Even though I know I like you anyway
My strange new vulnerability rules
Me … I can only be me
Hushing my thoughts
So you don’t hear them
Knowing I will tell you anyway

That first time I saw you
I gasped – a silent gasp
Sensual dark woman with a fast smile
You knew all too well
The effect you had on others
It preceded you into the room
I summed it up instantly
Me the radical freak
You the conservative athlete
I could never attract a woman like you
Not enough for you – all wrong
Easier to pretend I wasn’t interested
I was better at being cool then
A grand fuck-you anytime I got scared
Scared constantly
The perfect cover-up for a fake
Who would rather not feel
Who equated feelings with pain

I caught myself
Looking for you everywhere after that
Spotting you occasionally
Never prepared for my reactions
Then, when I finally stopped looking
You show up, many years later
Different context
Same intense beauty running deeper
Time & experience having shifted things
Things having shifted in me
You always with someone
Noting I was not like them
Still thinking I am not enough for you
Asking about you every chance I could anyhow
Looking for you again everywhere I went
Going miles anticipating seeing you across a room
Wondering if I would ever have a moment
When you would be single
And I had the courage

I don’t have a clue how it will go
Don’t even know who I am being
Don’t care to label it
Just enjoying your conversations
Lavishing the sight of you
No expectations
Stronger, now, is …
A desire to discover you
My desire while discovering you

Come a little closer, dark woman
Time is ticking
Allow us both a chance
At something we can’t predict
No danger for you here
I won’t back away
I will surprise you
As I surprise myself

DANGEROUS TOGETHER

Your hands shift from soft & light
To urgent & powerful
Either touch spins me
I find myself throbbing & wet
No desire to control it
I let my senses run

Talk to you?
No words will tell you what
My body is telling you
Listen to my breathing
As it shortens & speeds up
Feel the heat raging from inside
Know the trembling in my thighs

We’re playing with fire
But no one will get burnt
Linger a moment too long
With any movement
And the entire context alters
Dangerous women testing the water

Sublime intensity
Unable to stop
Wanting nothing more than what-is
What-is making me want to scream
We both know we are on the edge
And we carefully plot each move
To take the intensity farther

Your skin against mine
Plays havoc on my logic
Sensuality rules
Our skills giving way to
An illusion of patience
Stretching out each moment
Beyond imagination

We play with our limits
Like they are non-existent
Creating a new space
Where we haven’t been
A new form of exquisite torture
The line between pain & pleasure
Erupting in gasps & sighs

I crave you
So much I don’t know about you
But I do know
And I beg it onward
Me - the mistress of mystery
Stumped by the mystery of you & not
Called forth to thrill at the pressure
Building inside as your weight against me
Holds me captivated

I can’t think of you now without shivering
There is this long awaiting
Passion
Right beneath the surface
Ready to unleash
I know you can handle it
I know you will handle me
Do you know I will handle you?

No rush
I am only too ready
To bring something new forward
With you
At any pace
I have waited a very long time
It is part of the design
Of things as they should be

But are you ready
For the surprises that lie hidden still?
This will not be a one way street
Once unleashed
I will take you to new zones
Piquing things in you that you
Cannot imagine yet

I do not know what it will look like
But I know there will be no
Going back
Players in a game of reality
We both desire
Where we choose to leave behind
Our safety nets
For the sake of
Discovering new intimacy

You talk to me.
I’m listening with every pore
And I will respond.

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