:: Saturday, September 28, 2002 ::

mercury is in retrograde .... i can use that to explain the flat tire & the burnt out light bulb & the broken coffee cup & the damaged art & the dead phones (2 x this week) & the really really really bad communications ... but what exactly do i use the other weeks of the year? i mean so this shows up each quarter & then what ... & for those who don't believe in the architecture of the stars ... what the hell do i tell them? surely i cannot confess that i just make chaos of my life ... for amusement ... for what would i do this ... to play victim ... to avoid responsibility? gawd ... isn't the mercury story more pleasant? lets go for the pleasant story this week ...
:: Kym 1:00 AM [+] ::
...

how very simple it is to get lost ... in a thought ... in a visual ... in sounds ... in someone ... perhaps we are just lost now ... so if we are lost then we can be lost however we choose, right? i mean being lost selectively makes it all our choice ... a known choice ... a lost that we can take responsibility for ... we can select the who/what/where/when/how and live it ... being present in being lost is the trick i suspect ... it's my party ...
:: Kym 11:03 AM [+] ::
...

& then there are days when it just feels light ...
i wonder who might want to play?

:: Kym 1:21 PM [+] ::
...

at the risk of being irreverent ... i am really not sure where form leaves off & function takes over ... or visa versa. i suspect though that i am constantly confusing the two ... i wonder if it makes me visually challenged or analytically challenged ... i am sure that it rained all day & the US was either in mourning or celebration or both & that a year ago the idea for Women Artists Rising (WAR) was born as i sat in front of a TV looking at an environment that seemed vastly unreal & ugly & void of anything positive & creative & female and i watched, for days on end, how hate & ego & ignorance destroys possibilites ... in my search for a way to transform it i envisioned a world with more female energy, a world with more creative energy ... the feminizing of an environment gone amuck ... creation vs. destruction ... a very simple concept delivered by women, the human creators ... i stood at that wall several months ago ... the wall surrounding that hole in the landscape i once walked in NYC & i read those pieces of mourning & memories ... the pieces of lives, the declarations of love ... how crude hate is ... Women Artists Rising (WAR) it is all i knew to do .. my own personal raging against hate, not an anti-anyone statement but an anti-destruction statement, an anti-hate statement - a need-to-create statement ... a year later & we are now 37 strong locally & it is absolutely about creation & inspiration & connection & healing & self expression & freedom & yes, love & passion and possibilites, infitinte possibilities ... i am clear that we need to keep growing & expanding to every corner of the world ... our work has just begun ... form or function? mourning or celebration? both form & function needs to be in place to celebrate ... and every woman i spoke with today was reflective, through form & function, on celebrating a world without hate, a deeper meaning they developed in the last year ... a new creative energy ... it is who we are, it is about creation ... and at the risk of being irreverent today i celebrate life ...
:: Kym 12:45 AM [+] ::
...

and now the sharing begins ...
i become convienced each day that there is a lot to do ... but mostly i get confirmed that the most important thing to do is to love. it is not just the romance novel stuph ... not sappy fantasy stuph... it is the real stuph ... the golden rule ... the acceptance, the understanding, the unconditional stuph. [o there is, no doubt, also the romance novel stuph ... hard to come by & easy to reject when it presents itself (fear is an amazing bouncer at the door)... isn't that why i find myself here, caught in this place where i am in love & therefore "getting it" about love in general] ...
we are so vunderable, we think ... if i love will i get hurt, is it worth it, can i take "downside" ... but then i let go & am overwhelmed with the impact ... the depth, the intensity, the pleasure, the intimacy ... the clearing for more ... everywhere ... from one spot of love i can feel all the other relationships in my life mirrored out ... START > my lover > my friends > my parents > my clients ... wide open ... it travels > my community > > > > > > > the world ... why not? it is all there is to do really ... the most important thing to do ... love ...
and am i saying this for you or me? both ... all ... the queen-of-cynicism-&-jaded-faith has a breakthrough & she sheds her shell minute by minute & you are invited to join in ... and so now ... in this moment do i care if you are sneering or thinking me silly? no.
right now i just want to hand out love like it is goooooood damn drugs in a big hot club on a saturday night ... take a hit of this stuph, baby ... sit tight & feel it take over ... i won't lead you wrong ... look into my eyes ... i won't lead you astray ... tomorrow i may be shy about the fact that i told you this but right now i just need to share it & a grrl has to do what a grrl has to do sometimes ...
:: Kym 3:10 AM [+] ::
...

and now the wondering begins .... what do i share ... what don't i share? who are you? will you care what i share? i want freedom here! freedom & self expression ... no limits ... no boundaries ... i want to create ... how much integrity can i have in the face of the fear i learned so young ... the fear that i won't be liked ... the fear of not looking good ... will you know that you are like me? full of human stuph ... or will you think yourself so unique? will i care? i suspect i won't once i get past the first few entires ... going in and out of isolation & community as i notice you are there & then forget & then get reminded again ... just as life, just as art, just human, just perfect as it is ...
:: Kym 12:03 AM [+] ::
...

SO ... it is public .... welcome to my world ... or at least whatever part of it i decide to share with you!
:: Kym 11:02 PM [+] ::
...