:: Thursday, November 21, 2002 ::

legacy ... like without an ego agenda ... like touching lives i will never know in my life and certainly lives i will not know after i am gone ... lives that will never even know why or who of the momentium that got them what they have in the world, but will only know the impact present .... now, actions that are congruent with altering the course of events of the world, a little at a time ... not resigned to think it is as "good as it could be", or selfishly happy that my needs are being met without concern for others needs or attention to the work that needs to go into planning how things could be in 2022, 2042, 2062, 2082, 2102 ... there is a bigger vision than having-a-good-time-today and it can be had while still having-a-good-time-today if a good time includes getting out of my self-absorbed life & into the place of making a difference ... soap box, yes ... serious, yes ... gawd for more good days when i am lucid enough & living beyond my small little world of myself to make things happen (i have those days & i know lives are being impacted in 2102 just as mine is being impaceted in 2002 ...) ... a bad ass dreams but does she act when she awakens? living in action vs.sleep walking ... on the to-do list, first answer the phone ... then make a difference ...
:: Kym 12:09 AM [+] ::
...

it moves like the wind ... in & out of consciousness ... action, non-action ... did i contibute today?
living my whole life from an "i am bad" filter ... can't you see it? i am bad. i act out. i create trouble, act out, whip up chaos ... ah, the lying, cheating, whore that i am LOL ... (she is so polite, yes mam, no mam, thank you, please, let me serve you, to be seen & not heard, what a perfect child ....) playing it all ... the most obedient, polite, lying, cheating, whore you ever met ... a whole life spent seeking "bad" but unable to let go of "good" ... wanting to serve the world, to make a difference, to alter the future for a better one ... all from the filter of being "bad" ... 2 forward, 1 back, 5 forward, 10 back ... my filter is absolute sabatoge ... run it through again ...
o but so many have enjoyed my bad-ass self ... it has been such a fabulous persona ... pepperspray ... gawd knows i have worn it well ... so i don't have to give it up ... just get who i am when i am ...
:: Kym 11:01 PM [+] ::
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