When I first felt love for each of them I knew
They must die
The voices in my head that ran me told me so
It was Me or Them
Pain will come
Kill them before it is too late

I sit before the names
All the women I loved & killed

Believing my voices
Made-up risks & reality
Cloaked in reasons & mystery
I never even knew why
I simply followed orders
Over & over again
The dark drama of mazes & escape hatches
All to disguise me being the killer

The various deaths
Sometime quick
Sometime slow
Always plotted & effective & efficient

They loved me even in their last breath
Each of them
Trapped in a lover’s afterlife they live on
Haunting me through the years
Haunting me now

Now when I sit in front of the names
Unable to pretend anymore
A killer not a lover
My confession to myself
Blinders dropping away
The voices gone
No blame, guilt, reasons, excuses left
It was done at my hand
I did that. I killed.

Now I know who I’ve been
Laid open, vulnerable
It has shifted
Fear gone with the voices
I hand over my weapons
I take off the mask
The lover who will kill no more.